Category Archives: Funny Stuff

Random iPhone Photos or Death Plot by Cats?

Somewhere near the corner of 1,600 hundred photos and needing to upgrade my iPhone I realized I had a problem–lack of iPhone space. This required the shifting through of said photos, with the intention of deleting all of those blurry scenes of kids who never sit still and the what-was-I-thinking selfies. Too bad I wasn’t prepared for what I found, a bunch of seemingly random photos that I don’t remember taking.

There can be only one explanation. Frustrated with my ineptitude to understand the basics and my sad lack of telepathy skills, the cats have resorted to trying to communicate through my iPhone. After all, I do stare at the phone more than I stare at them, which has got to be frustrating for superior beings such as themselves.

So, I share these with you for you to make your own conclusions, but I think I have figured out what they have been trying to tell me.

snow

That white cats have secret snow stealth powers.

 

cat in kitchen

That their butts are not big. More food is required.

 

cat selfie

That the food thing was not a request.

 

manicure

That I should be using those nails to scratch delicately behind the ears. Anywhere else is not advisable.

 

living room and cat

That sometimes life is art. Sometimes life is also food.

 

speedometer

That if they had opposable thumbs, they would drive themselves to restaurants. Seafood ones.

 

photo copy 6

That it takes a lot of work to get the sofa pillows just right. I should stop fluffing them.

 

bird in window

That these might be good to eat.

 

cat on stairs

That they know where I sleep…

 

legs

…Oh yes they do.

 

black cat portrait

That they are much better at taking selfies than I am.

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You Don’t Have to Be Irish to be a Leprechaun

This blog post was crafted for Elfster.com, and featured in the “wish fulfillment” blog.

irishEveryone should be a leprechaun at least once in their life.

Leprechauns are cute. They are clever. And they are, well, let’s face it, rich. Do you know what a pot of gold is worth today? At $900 per ounce, I figure that even a smallish leprechaun who wants a mobile pot of gold that he can carry from rainbow’s end to rainbow’s end would be worth at least $350,000. That would be tax free. Even now, Obama may even be considering a new economic plan called “Operation Lucky Charms.” But, you didn’t find out about it here.

Many famous people have aspired to be leprechauns. If you were anywhere near New York City in the late 1970s to the late 1980s, you may remember the city’s Mayor, Ed Koch who marched in every parade and declared himself to be of the proper heritage that the day called for. He became Puerto Rican, Italian, African-American, Chinese and Irish. I really think his favorite parade was on St. Patrick’s Day. Underneath that Kelly green scarf and fisherman’s sweater was a heart of gold and a pot of green. Or maybe it was the other way around. No matter, the Irish-Jewish brogue brought tears of joy to many eyes, proud we were of our diverse city.

Today in a culture that celebrates ethnic pride, why not take advantage of the great multicultural opportunity and be proud of the traditions that others bring? Even if you aren’t a leprechaun or even Irish, you can celebrate and take ownership of this proud heritage that brought us the gift of gab, Tammany Hall, corned beef and cabbage, and RainDance. Oh, and the color green. Before the Irish came to America, everyone here had to make do with puce.

In truth, positive Irish contributions to American culture include special success and innovation in the fields of journalism, sports and entertainment. The “fighting spirit” of many Irish Americans, as well as their gift with words has contributed tremendously to the greatness of this country. What better way to acknowledge our own American heritage than by celebrating one of the many cultures that helped to shape it? Our first president was Irish (George Washington, in case you forgot). Other famous Irish-Americans include Gene Kelly, Henry Ford, Georgia O’Keeffe, F. Scott Fitzgerald and of course Ed Koch, former Mayor of New York.

So why not dust off that tie with the clover all over it or that pair of green acid washed jeans hanging in the back of your closet. See, it is okay to admit you always wanted to be a leprechaun.

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How to Stay Warm all Winter Using Only One Log

file2231294087424If you want to stay warm this winter, but you don’t want to spend a lot of money, you can try this trick from the wisdom of the past. It has been passed down for generations. All it requires is one log that will last the whole winter. You don’t even have to have a wood stove or fireplace!

Here is what you do.

Select a nice fat log. It doesn’t have to be very dry. In fact, the thicker and the heavier the log is, the better it will keep you warm.

Take your log and bring it up to the highest point in your home with a window. It is important to select the very highest spot you can get to reasonably. Set the log down and open the window. Next, pick up the log and place it outside of the window. Let it go so it falls all the way to the ground, making sure first that you don’t hit people or damage your property.

Next, close the window.

Go all the way down to the bottom of your home and out the front door. Pick up the log.

Take the log back up to the highest point and repeat until you are nice and warm.

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IKEA Love

IKEA Love

Yup–when you have a family, this is what it is all about: spending your Saturday at IKEA.

Meanwhile, I love this piece from Adam Byatt on why writing is like building furniture from IKEA. “You must be two people to assemble this item.” So true, Adam, so true. 

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February 4, 2013 · 12:17 pm

Dear Coffee…

Dear Coffee...

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January 9, 2013 · 7:58 am

Funny Cat Meme

My son and I like to trade funny cat memes back and forth. We usually find the funny cat memes online, but this time I actually created a funny cat meme from a photo he had taken a couple of days ago. It features our two rescue cats, Toulouse and Berlioz (they came to our home with their names). Despite the fact that they often like to bat at the screen or lay across the keyboard when I am writing, I’ll have to keep them off the Internet in case our funny cat meme goes viral. Then they might expect to be fed real food, seasoned lightly instead of the stuff that comes in the cans.

What do you think of our first attempt to make a meme?

funny cat meme

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